


Sex Note

by nochick_fics



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: M/M, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-03
Updated: 2017-06-03
Packaged: 2018-11-08 13:42:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11082753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nochick_fics/pseuds/nochick_fics
Summary: Ed finds a mysterious journal lying on the ground...





	Sex Note

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2008. Inspired by Death Note.

“What the hell is this?”

Ed picked up the journal and turned it over in his gloved hand. He looked around but saw no one in the vicinity of where he was standing. He thought briefly about returning it; if it was important, then the owner would surely retrace his steps back to that point and reclaim it. 

But another look at the cover sparked his interest to the point of thievery. Well, not so much thievery as the age-old theory of _finders keepers_ ; that had been his own attitude toward the Philosopher’s Stone for years. 

Ed quickly tucked the journal under his arm and nonchalantly walked away, grateful that he was easily able to blend in amongst the blue uniforms that swarmed Central. He headed into a bathroom and secluded himself in a stall; it was the only place he would not be disturbed short of going home, which he was not yet scheduled to do.

The journal was made of expensive-looking black leather and smooth to the touch. The two words etched on its cover resounded in his head like a deliciously promising mantra, over and over again, until he felt compelled to utter them aloud.

“Sex Note.”

Why in the world would anyone at Central carry around something like that? The first thought that sprung to Ed’s mind, with a mixture of distaste and… something _else..._ was the Colonel. If the man was half the stud that he led everyone to believe, it wasn’t unlikely at all that he would document his conquests in a book. Roy Mustang was living, breathing, walking hubris if ever there was such a thing. 

Ed opened the cover of the journal and tilted his head curiously. Printed on the first page was a set of… rules?

“The human whose name is written in this note shall develop an unwavering desire to have sex with the note’s owner for a period of twenty-four hours,” Ed read to himself. “The sex act will take place within one minute of the name being written if the subject is within reasonable distance and the owner is in a location of relative privacy.”

_Ridiculous,_ Ed thought, slamming the journal closed. This was obviously someone’s idea of a joke, and a bad one at that. Surely such a thing wasn’t possible. It was beyond reason.

Totally impossible.

... Right?

_Only one way to find out._

Ed reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a pen. He sat down on the toilet and opened the journal in his lap to the first blank page. He jotted down the first name that came to mind--the _only_ name, really. When he was done, he closed the book and started counting down softly to himself.

Why _that_ name? Ed blushed in embarrassment as he came one step closer to admitting the thing that he had, to date, been very careful to avoid. Because the thought of doing _that_... with _him_...

The teen shook his head. Not like it was going to work anyway, that with just a flick of his wrist and pen he could have someone like that at his beck and call to do whatever dirty thing he wanted.

“Fifteen… fourteen… thirteen,” he continued, disappointed in spite of himself. He stepped out of the stall, feeling very much the idiot.  An idiot with a hard-on now, no less.  For a moment he had actually believed, had actually _hoped--_

The bathroom door opened with a bang that echoed off the walls and scared the life out of Ed. 

“C-Colonel?” 

Roy stood in the doorway, uncharacteristically flushed and confused.  “I don’t know what came over me," he said uncertainly.  "I just walked out of an important meeting to run over here because…because... I really want to...” 

Instead of further explaining, the older man walked toward Ed and grabbed him by the coat. He pushed him backwards into the stall and slammed the door shut behind him.

_Holy shit it works!_

_... God, his cock is HUGE!_

*****

Over the next few months, Ed learned how to manipulate his Sex Note in a variety of ways. For instance, he found out that he could post-date the occurrence of the sex act as far into the future as he so desired. 

Even more interesting was the fact that he could determine the exact sex act to be performed, as well as the location and more. The possibilities were endless.

The Sex Note was truly a gift from the gods.  Ed envisioned an entirely new world with this powerful tool, one in which he could be his _own_ god... if only to one cocky, smug, arrogant man. 

*****

Page torn from Ed’s Sex Note:

Roy Mustang     3/27 Central, I fuck him over his desk.

Roy Mustang     3/28 Central, library, he gives me hand job under the table.

Roy Mustang     3/29 His place, he wears a short black dress and thong. And lipstick.

Roy Mustang     3/30 His place, with a banana because why not?

Roy Mustang     4/1 Central, he fucks me during a call with Hakuro.

Light Yagami     ?/?  I have no idea who this guy is, but the name just popped into my  head. I imagine he’s hot, and for some reason he wants me to call him Kira. Roy watches. Then he joins in. Then some  weird-looking guy with bad posture shows up too. I'll call him L.

Roy Mustang     4/2 Backseat of Central car.

Roy Mustang     12/25 His place.  Mistletoe around his cock.

Roy Mustang      1/1  His place.  He's in uniform and wants to play a game called "Spank the Fuhrer." Happy New Year indeed.

And so on...


End file.
